This article is in response to a letter from a young mom friend of mine. She was asking my advice on how to handle a frustrating situation where lots of confusing, negative information was having a snow ball effect and causing division in a group of friends.
For what it's worth, here's my advice.
"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business..." 1Thes. 4:11
By minding your own business, a lot of unnecessary drama can be avoided.
"wives (of leaders) are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything." ITim. 3:11
Leaders have access to a lot of inside information. It should be kept in strict confidence. Malicious talk is bad. If you do it, you're not trustworthy so you lose respect.
"teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers..." Titus 2:3
Slander is making a false statement that damages another person's reputation. It is hurtful and causes division and confusion. Don't do it.
Instead...
"He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close
friends." Prov. 17:9
Not every tidbit of information needs repeating. Sharing offenses may ruin a friendship. That is mean. Look for opportunities to cover over offenses. It is better to promote love.
"He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool." Prov.10:18
If you're realllly mad, don't lie about it. Sometimes you've just GOT to address the problem.
There is a right way to go about it. Slander is not it.
Slander is cowardly.
"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." James 1:26
Carefully weigh your words. Don't deceive yourself by thinking that gossip is going to help. And don't be deceived by people who sound religious but are saying hurtful things.
Remember Mr. Rabbit's advice to Thumper... "If ya can't say sumthin' nice, don't say nuthin' at all."
I don't know about you, but I think this is T-U-F-F!!! It is hard not to gossip, but I think it might be even harder not to listen to it. You don't want to be a goody two-shoes, right?
I still remember our spunky, old pastor down in southern Alabama (who, by the way, fed us neck bones and collard greens for supper) used to say, "My ears are not a garbage can!" It's so true. Gossip defiles the hearer as well as the speaker. It will steal your peace and immediately works to suck you into a whirlwind of drama that is none of your business. I mean, if you're busy minding your own business, you don't really need anyone to tell you what's going on in your own life, do you? You already know! And you know it first hand, so you can get the facts straight. Gossip, on the other hand, is often incorrect. That's when it morphs into slander, or malicious gossip.
It's such a shame, too. Good friends get separated. Innocent bystanders get slimed. Kids get sucked into the whole mess and probably get hurt the worst. Not to mention that they learn to keep the vicious cycle going in their own lives by mastering the fine art of "repeating a matter."
So... What's a girl to do? It takes a whole lot of courage to stop a conversation mid-sentence and say, "Hold on now, My ears are not a garbage can!" or something like that. But it is worth it! It is biblical. It is what a trustworthy, reverent, respectable woman MUST do. Not an option. Try saying it nicely, though. : )
Our children are watching us and they are learning much more from our actions than from our words. Our daughters are learning how to be wise and happy and godly. Our sons are learning how to choose a wife that they can trust. Let's set a worthy example.
Weighing words,
jen
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