A Little Miracle

Today is my baby boy's 5th birthday.  No more babies in the house.  Just little men.

You may or may not know Benjamin personally.  But his story is amazing, so I'll tell you a little bit of it.

Although all of our kids are roughly two years apart, there's four years, almost exactly, between Ben and his next oldest brother.  Those were really significant years.  Those years held the greatest sorrows and the happiest miracles of my life.

Benjamin's name means "Son of My Right Hand."  He's a miracle.


During those four years I had two second-trimester miscarriages.  Two babies in heaven, a girl and a boy.  I even have footprints.  I had no answers, though.  No explanation.
A million tests and labs and doctor visits later, I was still heartbroken.  And extremely frustrated with God.  The doctor's were clueless as to what went wrong.  I'd had six healthy pregnancies, and now this.  We were trusting God to open and close my womb our entire marriage, so this was like a punch in the gut to our faith.  I was in terrible pain following the second miscarriage with no explanation and after several months, my doctor recommended that I have a hysterectomy.  Wow.  That just didn't seem right.

In a last ditch effort to hear from a God who had been silent, my husband and I planned a trip to a prophetic conference at a far away church where we didn't know anybody.  The whole weekend I still felt numb.  All those songs about God being so close and tender felt like crap.  People all around me were hearing from Him, but there I was...just numb.  And broken.  And confused.  Until the very last night...

At the very end of the last service, the worship team began to play softly and I know my heart was screaming.  I just needed God to say "Yes" or "No" to my question, "Should we risk another pregnancy?"  I told Him that He could just put the word up on the screen or have a stranger walk up to me and tell me.  Whatever He decided, I would do it... just don't leave me hanging any longer.

And then it happened.  A very old, white-haired man with a big smile on his face walked up on the stage and began to speak.  There were thousands of people there, but I know he was talking to me.  He was talking to me!

"Those who stay their eyes upon the Lord

  this is the year for your barrenness to be over."

I was undone.

He went on to explain what had happened to me and why.  That the Lord was allowing adversity in my life because He wanted my roots to go down deep.  So that I wouldn't be swayed by any old wind. He wasn't scolding.  He was so gentle and understanding.  I had heard the Lord's voice before, and this was definitely IT!

And then the pastor joined in with a spontaneous song from Isaiah 49:

For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. 

       But Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." 

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands...

Your sons hasten back, and those who laid you waste depart from you...

Lift up your eyes and look around;  all your sons gather and come to you. 

As surely as I live,"  declares the Lord,  "you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride."

Less than three months later I was pregnant with Benjamin.  I prayed for him and blessed him in my belly every single day.  And thanked God for answering me.

That little boy is my ornament.  A reminder of God's absolute sovereignty and faithfulness.  And His compassion for me, his handmaid.

Happy birthday, Son of My Right Hand.