A Sub and a Swing and Staying Positive

You know, things don't have to be perfect to be good.

I've been having a pretty hard time lately.  I should have just gone ahead and cried like a baby at the graduation and gotten it over with like all the other normal people.  Instead, I keep everything bottled up and save it for later when nobody's looking.  And it works its way out slowly and in weird ways.  And it's hard for other people to tell what's wrong with me because I'm not crying at the graduation, which would make perfect sense.


It's not just the graduation.  It's change, in general, that gets to me.  It's being afraid that the change will be bad instead of good.  And being afraid, in general.  It sucks.

It's also a very bad idea to think about things that are wrong instead of dwelling on what is right.  My parents always told me to stop being so negative.  I have that tendency.   I think I mostly do it when I'm lonely.  After a long chat with a good friend, everything seems to be a little brighter and hopeful and tolerable.  But I live in a new place where I don't have any good friends yet.  So that's sortof difficult.  Thankfully, it also helps when I get a chance to be alone with the Lord and let it all fly.  But I've got to be totally alone to do that... like my whole family leaves me home by myself.  Which only happens the day before my birthday and the day before Mother's day.  They really should do that a little more often.   It would help everybody out. 

So, thanks to Mother's Day, I got to be totally alone for three blessed hours.  And sit on the deck and listen to the rain and pet the kitties and cry.

And I read another really good article about the effects of shame and how our parents can make us feel so crappy and unlovable.  They don't do it on purpose.  They are broken people, too.  But it happens, none the less.  And it doesn't matter how old you get, the effects stick around a long time.  And unless the Lord heals us, we're going to do the same thing to our own kids.  And that is exactly what I do not want to do.

So, Mother's Day was the final straw for me and my bottled up emotions.  Because I'm also a daughter and my relationship with my mom is so terrible right now.  And even though I'm forty-one, I still could use a mommy sometimes.  Especially when I'm going through a lot of changes and things feel uncertain and I'm lonely.

But that's just not gonna happen.

So, I decided to look around my life at my beautiful, kind family.  And enjoy their sweetness.

And eat my amazing sub that they made for me.  And crack up at Benjamin learning to take pictures...

And put my anniversary flowers in my new Goodwill vase.

And enjoy my new swing... which all seven kiddos pitched in together to buy for me.  Which I love.  And I love those kiddos, too. 

And then enjoy watching them enjoy the box.

And that was a good day.

'Cause...

"Life ain't always what you think it ought to be."

But it's still wonderful.

And I am a very blessed mommy.