Help For Mommies AKA Don't Kill Your Family

About a month ago I received this letter from a young mom, asking for advice.  She asked a very relevant question, bringing up a common problem.  I didn't intend to write a book, but as I've been mulling it over, well, there's a lot to her question!  I thought I'd share my response, just in case anyone else might be wondering about the same sort of things.  Here we go...

"Okay. I have a question for your blog. How do you run your household with order without killing your children and husband? I feel like I am constantly putting stuff away and cleaning up after everyone and never have the time to do things I actually want to do. I do enjoy cleaning, but there are other things I would like to do with my kids...like go exploring and crafts and have a scheduled school time. What are the first steps to managing a less-stress, fun home?"

Although I’ve been raising children for nearly 20 years, I think it was a bit of a blur back when they were all really young.  You know, it’s all about survival.  Especially when you’re outnumbered!  But never fear, I asked my trusty source of all information, my husband, who was there with me during those years, but had more of his brain functioning.  He helped remind me of  how I actually survived those years and live to tell about it.  Here’s what we came up with.  A few first steps to managing a less-stress, fun home.

Expect Obedience
First of all, it is incredibly, super-duper, cannot-be-stressed-enough, important that your children learn to mind you.  Children that do not listen to directions are ALWAYS frustrating, and nothing will be fun until they learn obedience.  Since I have not observed you and your children in action, only you can be the judge.  And every family has their own standard.  The important thing is that they follow YOUR standard.  When you say “no,” they listen.  First time, no second chances.  Whatever you and your husband agree on, expect that.  There are so many excellent books about child training, each one with it’s own slant.  I’d recommend reading a few, gleaning the most useful stuff, work out the plan with your husband and then put the standard into effect.  If you are frustrated often, then chances are the standard is too low.  Or you have been distracted lately, and the natives are becoming restless.  (at least that’s what we always called it)

Minimize Distractions
It’s a strange time we’re living in.  There’s enough distractions available in the average home, that we could pretty much miss the whole day, and never even realize it.  Between TV, internet surfing,  facebook & texting,  we don’t even need to talk to our kids.  Back in our mom’s era, the big pull for homemakers was soap operas.  We know THAT would be a big waste of time, right?  The problem is that modern mommies have a much greater temptation.  Actual people! (well, sortof)  And good, useful information.  Yeah, I know, coz I’m on here a lot, too!  It’s a good escape, but the whole time you’re escaping, the babies are tearing up the house and undoing everything you did, unless.... you schedule a time for these online activities so that they don’t become distractions.  You know, like people in the work place do.  Give yourself allotted times, maybe during naps or after kids’ bedtime, or while they are playing near you for a set amount of time.  Then get back to your work of full-time mommy.  You might be surprised how much more time you have for those other fun activities.

Identify the Problem
Every household is unique.  If you are constantly “putting stuff away and cleaning up after everyone” then you need to sit back and identify what you are actually putting away and cleaning up.  Is it toys?  Dishes?  Clothing?  Once you identify what your family’s main messes are, it’s easier to come up with a solution.  If you feel like you are constantly cleaning the kitchen, try the cafeteria approach:  This kitchen is only open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I will serve you food, you will eat it and then I will clean it up.  Don’t expect to come in here for food when the kitchen is closed!  Does that seem harsh?  You will be surprised how much easier it will be to keep things neat when you’re not constantly fixing food and cleaning up after it.  There will be less pickiness and better appetites when you actually serve meals at specific times.  As far as snacks go, well, I’m not that tuff.  I used to let my little kids get a snack at mid-morning and in the afternoon, but it was always a certain food, like a piece of fruit,  and ONLY in the kitchen.  Food always stays in the kitchen.  So many mommies let their children carry food and drinks around the house and then go behind and clean up the sticky, crumby mess that never should have been there in the first place!
Maybe food mess isn’t the problem, though.  Maybe you’re constantly doing laundry.  We always had color coded towels for the kids.  I only washed one towel a week for each kid.  These days, I can’t even remember everyone’s color, so I just write their names in permanent marker on the bottom edge.  That way if I find it on the floor, etc., I know who to call.  If you’re always picking up clothes and washing them because they’re shoved in weird places and all mixed together, clean and dirty, you need a plan.  None of these problems are too difficult, it’s just a matter of stopping long enough to figure out what’s really getting on your nerves, and finding a solution.


Hope that helps, so far.  Next post, I'll talk about a few solutions that we've come up with over the years.  Hang in there, Mama!